Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

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Post Your Jokes Here Thread...

Postby =1PARA=Assassin » Wed Oct 18, 2006 5:39 pm

Post any jokes you have here.... :lol:
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Tomatoes

Postby [Aliens]solifer » Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:39 pm

It was 2 tomatoes that was crossing a road , and when doing so a car ran over one of them :lol:
And the first one said to the one that got runned over, Come on ketchup lets go :evil: :evil:

I know its a bad and old one , but i got the first joke :o :o
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Postby =1PARA=Assassin » Thu Oct 19, 2006 1:42 pm

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynaecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"


A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five quid you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five quid, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five quid. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five quid." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."


A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"


This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynaecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks,
"You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"


A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he crashes the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn’t because she didn’t have any clothes on. He replies, “Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!”
She takes the shoe and runs to the closest petrol station. She finds the petrol station attendant and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The petrol station attendant replies, "I’m sorry, but I think he's too far in."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Postby Spadess » Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:11 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 8) very good
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Postby [Aliens]Gaz » Thu Oct 19, 2006 7:24 pm

why have goblins got big ears?





because noddy wont pay the randsom :)
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Postby =1PARA=Assassin » Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:07 pm

[Aliens]Akilae wrote:why have goblins got big ears?





because noddy wont pay the randsom :)






..........Tmbleweed...........














:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Postby xxiv » Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:14 pm

[Aliens]Assassin wrote:
[Aliens]Akilae wrote:why have goblins got big ears?





because noddy wont pay the randsom :)






..........Tmbleweed...........














:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

quote test




..........Tumbleweed...........


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Spadess » Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:19 pm

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Postby [Aliens]Gaz » Thu Oct 19, 2006 11:25 pm

you wouldnt appreciate my other jokes so ill leave it at that... :oops:
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Postby =1PARA=Assassin » Sun Nov 19, 2006 3:19 pm

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Please remember this is the JOKES thread guys...
There is a seperate topic for funny vids etc... :wink:
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Postby pagan » Sun Nov 19, 2006 3:24 pm

[Aliens]Assassin wrote::rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Please remember this is the JOKES thread guys...
There is a seperate topic for funny vids etc... :wink:


Have no idea what you are talking about :?: :?: :?: :wink:
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Youre a bum
Youre a punk
Youre an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse
I pray God its our last

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Postby =1PARA=Assassin » Sun Nov 19, 2006 4:16 pm

pagan wrote:
[Aliens]Assassin wrote::rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Please remember this is the JOKES thread guys...
There is a seperate topic for funny vids etc... :wink:


Have no idea what you are talking about :?: :?: :?: :wink:


:wink: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Postby [Aliens]WITTY » Sun Nov 19, 2006 4:44 pm

A man goes to see his wife who is lay in a coma in hospital. He asks the doctor if there has been any progress. The Doctor tells the man that allthough there has been no progress they would like him to participate in some experimental tests, to which the man agrees. The doctor asks the man to gently caress his wifes breats, which he does and his wifes heart rate jumps up, the doctor then asks him to caress his wifes chuff to see if that will work better. He dutifully does this and his wife responds with a moan. The doctor is beside himself with excitement and asks the man to try oral sex with his wife. The man is a bit bashfull but the doctor tells him that he will draw the curtains round the bed and will watch the monitor from the next room. All is going well and the response from the wife is fantastic when all of a sudden all the alarms on the monitors go off. The doctor and nurse's try to revive the woman but she is pronounced dead. The Doctors tells the man the news and asks him what happened as it seemed to be going really well untill the alarms went off. The man replied " i dunno i think she choked"
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Postby pagan » Sun Nov 19, 2006 5:17 pm

LMFAO :lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl:
[Aliens]Pagan
Youre a bum
Youre a punk
Youre an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse
I pray God its our last

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Postby =1PARA=Assassin » Sun Nov 19, 2006 6:53 pm

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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